god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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