you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
