I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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