guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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