last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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