You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
