At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize