Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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