Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
