New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize