i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
