What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
