i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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