Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
