Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
