my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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