I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
