I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
