billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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