if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
