I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
