I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
