I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
