He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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