guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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