I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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