dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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