I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
