you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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