i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
