its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
