If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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