4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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