just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
