I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
