...so i touched it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
