i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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