Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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