well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
