I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
