I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
