This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
