I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
