pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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