Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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