Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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