It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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