I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
