I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize