she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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