bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
