its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
