i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
