this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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