There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
