ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
