Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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