I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
