i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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