I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
