Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
