seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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