Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
