he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
