I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
