If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
