Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
