Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
