My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
