Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
