Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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